When I come upon a decision to be made it is a slight bit different than it used to be. I remember a time when there wasn't much to it.
Do I want to go there, do this, eat this?
The questions were fairly easily answered through the day and there was very little energy expended or stress put into it all. However, when you are chronically ill or dealing with a very undependable condition in your life there are things that could change at any moment. When I ask myself to make these decisions which at one time seamed simple I become fearful, worried, and I tend to over think them in many ways.
A good example is traveling. I have an amazing opportunity presenting itself to me right now to go to a seminar and learn more in my trade. It involves much travel by air and time away from home. Because my body doesn't always cooperate and I suffer migraines and severe pain without warning my mind immediately is thinking out the possible scenarios that might take place if I consider going to this event. I think about all the special items I must take a long which involve special diets I must maintain while away, medicines and vitamins which will help me to stay healthy while there. It will include many different things which I will want to make sure to pack and I will start to worry that I might forget something which in the end will be missed.
I have traveled much in my past. Especially for someone who has a chronic illness. However, this trip means so much to me I would hate for it to be something I would fly far from home to enjoy and pay much money to attend and get all the way there and find that my body isn't playing along. Those of you will chronic conditions know exactly what it feels like to want to make plans and to hold back due to a condition that you have which is unpredictable.
I find in my life many decisions I am coming upon which are like this. They are not so easily made because of my own body which has become very unpredictable. I remind myself that it is okay to take things slowly and one small step at a time and not to rush ahead. I have small talks with myself and tell myself over again that I do not have to be one in the crowd and take many classes at a time as "they do" in order to get furthering education. I get very excited to move forward with my life. I get sad sometimes that I must pace myself due to "limitations" I now have. However, it is best I remember these limitations and embrace that they are now part of me than to RUSH ahead and regret that I have done so by needing to recover with a massive migraine later for days upon days of suffering.
Today I am going to take this moment to remind myself and others out there like me:
Even though we stress over these types of decisions because there are things about our conditions which are unpredictable .....we must also remember that we CAN still do the things we love and want. By planning ahead and taking our time... We can make a check list to remind ourselves of the things we must take with us on our outings. That way we feel more "put together".
As much as we want to "run with the crowd" we are special in many ways. We have a perspective that many don't have and we have strength in us that has been finely tuned to deal with our suffering. So, this --added time-- we are going to allow ourselves to prepare to make these decisions, is NOTHING compared to the suffering we have endured. It can be easy if we let it.
We are going to GIVE ourselves this extra time.....so that we can still HAVE the trips we want. Hopefully we can alleviate some of the stress we associate with making decisions in our lives, due to the uncertainty that our bodies have added in.
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