My
father always pushed himself beyond his limits because he was never
satisfied with less than the best from himself, and he was never
going to be happy than less than the best from “his girls”.
He
pushed us to get good grades at ever level of school. There was no
question whether we were going to college or not. Whether we had the
money or not we were going to earn our way or die trying. It was
important to him that his kids had a college education and become
“successful” in their lives. He had been the first in his family
to have a college degree and he wanted the best for his children.
When
I graduated college I pushed myself the same way. I worked myself to
the bone taking assistant-ships far away from my home. I drove two
hours in and out of the city working everything I could get in the
Profession I had chosen. I worked 24 hour days sometimes to come home
and sleep 2 days to recover. I received amazing hands-on experience
that first year as a Photography/ Applied Media Arts graduate. Then I
got my first job with a large Photography Corporation. I worked for
them for 5 years. They hours were very long and I drove all over the
US photographing family s and children portraits for them. It was
amazing experience and long and physical days. I was in amazing shape
and still young with endurance I can't imagine having now! After 5
years I got a job with a private Studio and worked with some amazing
Talents in the Portrait Photography business. At this time my own
Photography business started growing. I was working 6-7 days a week
photographing for the Studio on the weekdays and for my business on
the weekends doing weddings and other small jobs. My income was good
and I has been self supportive for 7 years. I had lived in my own 3
bedroom townhouse for all of this time and enjoyed the freedom of a
good income.
One
day I found myself driving to work and unable to focus on the road
because of a nagging pain in my eyes. By the time I got to work I was
almost paralyzed in pain in my eyes, head and left arm. I was in bad
shape and ended up in the ER that day. There were many days like this
to come. This condition worsened and turned into a Paralyzing nerve/
pain/ migraine condition which was un-namable by 15 specialists in
the next 2 years. I continued to try to hold my job for months. I
tried my best to hold other small jobs for small clips refusing to
give up and file for disability even though I was being advised to. I
was now bedridden and being fed through a straw. My husband was my
caregiver and it was all he could do to keep it together upon seeing
his wife in such a sad state.
In
a short time I had lost everything. My career, my fitness success,
many of my friends, my drive to live, my drive to succeed and my
ability to even do daily functional tasks. It was a shocking life
event. In this time I had several near death experiences.
I
was affected emotionally by these times. My views on life and what is
important changed ! My views on people and their true natures changed
as well. I could see trues in this world ,which before these events
had been hidden from me. At seven years into my illness I couldn't
know what might happen to me in the future. I Felt lost and as
though I had no direction. As though anything good for me would
surely have been left in my past. My photography, my career , my
addiction to the gym and fitness itself. I feel into a severe
depression. Time passed by an inch at a time. It was slow and my
depression was heavy. I wasn't myself and my decisions were of
another spirit all together.
At
9 years a change in location brought a much needed more away from bad
influences and a turn into a better environment over all. My mind
started to clear a bit and all of the sudden I felt inspired again.
I came to believe over a long time that these trials of the human
spirit and strength of the human machine, are meant to mold us for
some thing.
I
believe that when Aromatherapy found me it was in stages throughout
my illness. Smells found me First in a destructive way during my
worst migraines to date. That feeling you get when a migraine is just
starting and every smell is strong and awful. It sends you reeling
over the edge into migraine hell. Then I discovered Essential Oils
through a Chinese Acupuncturist In Pennsylvania. I don't remember the
first time I bought Peppermint Essential oil but it changed my life
with its healing powers every since. My second friend of pain was
Frankincense. Thank goodness.
As
I walk my path with this new education into herbal medicine I still
am a chronic pain sufferer. I still have horrible days and still get
paralyzing pain. I am reminded that my body is still completely right
inside this exterior which is trying to move forward with having a
“normal life” again. However, I am in a new place mentally and
take time to listen to what my body is telling me. I take much more
time with myself than I did before. I am quite more often in order to
know what I need.
I
also am geared toward a goal which is so much more different than the
photography which I was once dedicated to. My goals include trying to
help others in ways which I needed help and still need help today.
This puts me in a unique position and perspective to understand what
other peoples bodies might be saying to them. Maybe they don't hear
it and maybe I have learned a way of listening which they could
benefit from. I do hope so.
I
am still that hard-working,dedicated, and pushy girl that I always
was and still strive for success it is just that the success I am
seeking isn't solely based on the number of dollar bills I am
gathering. I Feel successful when someone tells me I am helping them.
I Feel successful when the blend I have made is amazing and
therapeutically active. I also feel successful when I am eating
right, in good shape, treating my body with respect and surrounding
myself with good people and healthy things.
I
owe my point of view, my success (ALL OF IT) to my husband. He is a
man I look up to, respect , and love so very much. He has given me so
much all of these years and without his love and support I couldn't
have all that I do today in terms of success.
My hierarchy of the definition of success has changed.....
SUCCESS:
- When someone tells me I have helped them.
- A blend is exactly what I meant it to be or better !
- I am feeling good because I am honoring my body.
- I am meditating and keeping myself mentally healthy daily.
- My marriage is healthy and happy
- My friends are part of my life and we are keeping in touch.
- I am earning at least some money to help contribute (not yet but I have hope)
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