I sat last night and watching him visit with someone who has some of the same issues he does when it comes to mental illness and moods and so on. I could see it was very personal for him to watch this man because for the first time he was REALLY seeing himself. It really got him worked up. We talked about it later and I could see it had really affected him. In turn, yep, it affected me and I was very upset that he was upset. Sounds so silly. I really felt my insides being torn up at the thought that he was seeing what I see in him as he is having a manic episode or change in perceived reality.
It amazes me over and over how connected we are. As different as we are and suffering two very different illnesses we are so in tune with when each other is hurting. The best thing to do is ask if one another needs something and IF they are able to say so do the best we can to help. I always WANT to help but mostly have to step back and watch the wheels turn.
Something sparked that evening. It sparked because he is going through a manic faze again. With change of medication to try and help with side effects from his regular meds the new one brought on all kinds of demons. We have gone with this one before and new this might be the case. The doc was convinced we might be able to find a co-med to go along and help the jitteriness (akathisia) that comes with this one but.....alas no success yet.
I am very proud at how he deals with his anxieties and fears as he goes through this hard time. I, myself, am not doing so well. My anxieties are at a all time high and my pain was already headed there due to a gap in my treatments when we moved. Still I am waiting for a pain center visit.
Waiting lists for mental health are unforgivable and for pain treatment are just hard to bear. I remind myself I am lucky it isn't for mental health.
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