LETS TALK ABOUT WHERE THE YOGA BEGINS.

BUT I can't do yoga "again" ! Yes I actually said this. Me, a yogi who knows full well that yoga isn't just about the physical practice and that the science of yoga encompasses more than I could share with you here in this typed bit. My mind is blown the more and more I educate myself on what yoga really is. What it has to offer us and WHAT IT REEEAAALY IS! !

However, yes I said it to my doctor as he explained to me that I would need to go through a 4th spinal surgery the other day. So, here is the deal ya'll. A bit of background about my journey.

I went into a Yoga Teacher Training program about 2 years ago. I want into it after having had a spinal implant put in for pain management. I have always loved yoga and it therapeutically has been amazing for my muscle spasms and pain. It has done wonders for my depression, anxiety and over all health. However, once I was ready to head into this program after healing from an intense spinal surgery which gave me a CYBROG type implant to help control my pain I was blown away by the philosophy of yoga and MORE.

I had drank the coo-laid guys. I went to Teacher Training two nights a week for 3 hours per night. Plus extra classes outside that were required at the studio AND I had a daily practice which I created fro myself. I was immersed in yoga and it felt AMAZING!

SOMETHING happend to me and I started to change. My body was changing but so was my mind, my perspective, my heart. As my body opened up and awakened so did my mind and I even found a soul in there somewhere. I have never been "spiritual" but there in that room full of like-minded yogis I felt connection. I was blissed out all the time and feeling JOY......no reason. JUST JOY, contentment and first the first time happiness inside myself.

I became totally okay with silence and craved it. My body was strong and the more yoga asana (movement) I practiced the more my body wanted and the less pain and suffering I was feeling. I was focused in a way I had never been in my life. I couldn't wait to share what I felt with the world.

BUT WAIT!  ! !

I wanted to share what I was feeling with the world.....now that is the hard thing to explain to you. When people of the world come to a "yoga class" they are mostly coming to "work out". They might enjoy the tid bit of philosophy or little wisdom I share with them but they are NOT coming there to search deeply into themselves and go through a massive self-transformation. RIGHT?

I get it. I do.

So, I just have to say, when I found yoga .....when I REALLY FOUND IT, that is what I found. I found amazing connection with a self inside me that I didn't even know was there. I found NEW perspective, and new eyes. Also, there was this amazing strong , loving person looking back at me that I never thought was in there too. She had abilities I never thought possible with my physical limitations. I learned to honor and respect my limitations and through that I have been accomplishing more than I ever dreamed , including a sense of peace I never dreamed of.

WITH ALL THAT SAID!

This brings us to today.......just had another surgery a few weeks ago....and no asana for me for 6 weeks. THAT IS hard for me. Yoga movement for me is a moving meditation that I practice every day. Connection to my breath and the movements of my "broken" body allows me to move past all that is hurting and painful there and creates less pain and less obstacles for me. With each surgery I have taken time each day to move my hands....connect with breath, self and meditate. This has been crucial. THIS IS YOGA.

I keep saying this to myself. THIS IS YOGA. I know this in my heart as I know that "stilling the fluctuations of the mind" is also yoga. The movements of yoga is only one path to this.

Just after 2 weeks from this 3rd surgery they told me it didn't take and I would need to go back in for another, more aggressive spinal surgery. UT OH! No asana again?

Not just no ASANA, no jogging and in bed totally for 2 weeks. No movement for me, in general is rough. LOL

LETS TALK ABOUT WHERE THE YOGA BEGINS.
RIGHT NOW ! !

So, my mentors have talked to me about this giving me unbelievable support. AND they are right. My mind goes off on all my worries of what "no asana" will do to my body and how long it will take me to gain back what I have worked so hard to gain physically. However, I CAN NEVER LOOSE, what I have gained mentally. I have gained a site that I will never unsee.

I CAN BREATH, I CAN DO YOGA. I CAN MOVE MY FINGERS- TOES....i can do yoga.

HECK YA.....I am here to tell you that I can do yoga every day . I am aware and present in the here and now about my feelings about my asana practice and that my dearest friends is me working it out with myself. This is my yoga.

This struggle is real for this YOGINI.

I can't wait to FLOW through SURYA NAMASKARA again but until that day I am here learning mudras, nidra and practicing restraint to honor the healing that must take place. KNOW that it is NOT easy. However, I honor this path and accept it.

~Namaste~
Yogini Opa