Yoga Found me Today- it's found me for good.

I like the definition of Yoga that states:

"Yoga is obtaining that which before was unobtainable"

First I am there because I need to be. I am anxious and hurting and have hope Yoga will be my guide and answer. My asana (yoga poses/movement) and breath are leading the way and I am struggling to find a flow and rhythm. I am holding each pose several breaths ---I close my eyes and deepen my breath searching for release from pain.

I feel my mind racing through it's worries and it contains me. I breath. With every pose my breaths are longer-- slower and deeper. I am saying the Sanskrit in my head as I am doing my Classical Sun Salutation. It is me using my brain to try to remember all the pose names. My gaze is blurry as I feel my body start to leave the house I live in, and my worried world. My breath becomes my water and I swim now through the motions - - the pose names float away. Like riding on an ocean I flow through the poses and my body-mind surrenders to this peace, this calm that Yoga is. There I am, where I never thought I would be today. My pain has dulled, my head and body is light, my body is strong yet soft and I move without thought.

Yoga has found me and I have only just begun a journey which I feel is going to bring me where I am meant to go in life. It amazes me sometimes the turns that our path take. Where I THINK I should be headed vs where my path will actually lead me. This past January I started into the Yoga Teacher Training program at the Southwest Institute of the Healing Arts with intention of continuing on with education there into being a Yoga Therapist. When I started I wasn't sure if I was going to be to complete the whole 800 hour program. However, after starting the 200 portion I knew it was a definite that I could do it.

The challenges that were upon me before I started like pain, lack of confidence in myself, and lack of intelligence started to reveal themselves as just fears. I realized that Yoga would help me through all of these things.

Then in March as I was almost done with the first part of three that comprise the 200hr portion I found out I would need to go back in for spinal surgery. At first upon hearing this news it crushed me. It scared me more than I has expected. I reacted in a very exaggerated way to this news (as has been my way or reacting my whole life). This my "Avidaya" or formed life patterns and habits. At this point I realized that this set back was actually here for a reason. It was teaching me the true nature of Yoga. My teacher even pointed this out to me.

She reminded me that going into this surgery I had tools of Patangali's Yoga Sutra that I had gained through my training over the last three months in my classes. That as I would go through this hard time I would use my Yoga.  I would use my breath to get through the pain. I have gained the company of amazing people in this class who have shown me their amazing spirits and voiced their support. This in itself to me is JOY. I am also moved by my Mother's gift of coming out here in this time and am comforted and blessed to have her here with me.

As I await my surgical date I find myself becoming impatient and short tempered and I remind myself of the intention for my current practice. Which is one of compassion and the letting go of anger. I remind myself of the importance of patience.

I see now that this kink in my own plans is an opportunity to put into practice all that I have been studying in my Yoga and practicing on the mat.

Now instead of wishing that this event were over and getting back to my Yoga training again I look forward to seeing if I can put my Yoga to practice. Then when I have done so, getting back to my Yoga Training and with anticipated struggle but with honor to where I will be at that time, continue my journey to some day being able to pass along this amazing science of Yoga to those who may need it as much as I do.

A bit about "Avidaya": 

This is the “accumulated result of our unconscious actions.” We have done things the same for years and perceived things the same as well. The mind becomes dependent on these habits and these actions and perceptions become our “normal”. These habits then cover the mind obscuring clarity of consciousness.

By working on Tapas (keeping ourselves healthy in and out and cleansing) , svadhyaya (self-study) and isvaraprahidhana (quality of action) we can reduce Avidya and “work on ourselves”.  

By, Dragonfly

Sources: The Heart of Yoga by T.K.V. Desikachar