The wiring of my patience and compassion fuses.

Reflect Peace ! 

Chronic Illness and chronic Pain isn't something that everyone has a good understanding of. Friends and family will nob and say “I understand”. Do they really understand that you, yourself, really don't even know yourself after years and years of struggle. Even as your body physically or mentally suffers so does your mind and all it's circuits.

The suffering eats away a bite at a time from your patience fuse, compassion fuse and your agitation limit. You become easily annoyed by things that aren't appropriate and you take it out on the ones you love the most. You don't even recognize yourself some days and all you can do is cry in private about how you miss the pain-free and chronic suffering self. You can only say your sorry so many times to those loved ones before they too are “done with you” and just see that your actions repeat themselves when you are at your worst suffering. As much as you try to control yourself, these short fuses and shortened limits are just built into our design now. The design of ourselves which now includes chronic illness.

For all those in our lives who do understand that we NEVER MEAN to be what we have become in those explosive moments toward you. We are trying with all our might to lengthen, cultivate, and nurture those fuses back to their proper lengths. It just takes time and discovering mechanisms which work for each one of us. Please hang in there with us and know that we need you. We need your HUGS, LOVE, understanding, tolerance, support, and rubs on the back definitely don't hurt.

Healing touch does wonders for us during these hard times. Tiny, butterfly, rubs on my back when I have blown my lid are a gift and I thank you for those.

Reacting peacefully when we have gone off the deep end and are in a crazy state about something ridiculous will set our mind at ease if it is something you are strong enough to do. Reflect peace back at us and don't let us ruin your calm. Be contagious and rub off on us. Let us catch some of what you have to give. So choose to give stability, tranquility and peace in a time which is probably a time of suffering for us. You will see a huge difference in our dynamic and we will be so thankful for the help in rewiring our fuses to be a bit longer and better suited for dealing with our Chronic pain/illness and suffering.

Thank you to all those supporters out there. Those who stand by our sides during moments of un-peace. Who take those moments when we crack and help us through them and don't take the easy road and just walk away. Your hand in ours, whether figuratively or physically is much appreciated and needed.

Thank you !

 I dedicate this post to my loving husband (who mostly gets it right). He, like any other caregiver, could use a bit of advice here and there with how to deal with that person (the person I least know in myself) that comes out every now and then with a very short fuse.