Pain's progression to the "ZONE OUT"....

                                     Sometimes it is ongoing and unrelenting pain that makes me calm. I can't believe I am saying this at all because it really drives me crazy and into depression much of the time. However, what I mean is that I become numb. I feel so very much that I just can't "feel" anymore. So, it is like my brain just goes into this strange state where I just stare ahead and think about nothing and feel nothing. I "ZONE OUT". 

When this happens I realize that so many things in our lives that we are worried about aren't important at all. So many things in our lives that we think are "painful" aren't. Now, pain, is perceived. So, I can't judge someones pain. I only know what a , we will say, needle in my finger tip feels like. That needle might feel more or less to someone else. 

What happens to me as I become exposed to pain on a daily, ongoing basis? 

Firstly I go into shock I think and become afraid of doing things that exacerbate that pain. I limit my activities almost too much because of my fear. 

Second, at first I become beat down by it. I let myself be tired and miserable. I allow myself to be saddened by it all the time and go into hibernation from life. 

Then, my body adjusts to pain every day and all day and non-relenting. It becomes "normal" and the smallest of sufferings in my life seam insignificant in comparison. A painful event that might scare the average person doesn't scare me. Just the opposite, I see it as an opportunity to feel pain in other areas that aren't my neck, head and shoulders. 

Maybe this is why I am drawn toward body piercings and tattoos. Some of them are beautiful , yes, but what is real to me is the "pain therapy". The tattoos have more of a significance than the piercings. They are more than "pain therapy". Although they start that way. Then they become something lasting and unchanging. Something constant in an ever-changing world. Even the theory of impermanence applies to tattoos because they do eventually fade and discolor. However the general structure is there as a comfort to me. Something is stable.

Also, there is coping. I have developed coping tools. Meditation is one and listening to calm music is another, talking to a friend or family member helps. I am sure there are others that might not be so positive coping mechanisms as well like eating...snacking to comfort myself. ....etc.

Now, to what I have started today thinking about.... The "ZONE OUT" moment. Its like my brain and body disconnect from its environment.  I am literally unable to think at all.  I can't move or feel or even sleep. Just stare...................................................................... 

What is that? What is that about?