THe women I was before the pain was amazing. I took her for granted and never acknowledged her success in life. I am taking a moment to remember all her amazing doings. She was a professional photographer just as she planned. She was a force of woman-power in a male dominated field. People knew her name when they were thinking of amazing and moving portraiture. They thought of her for their weddings and passed her name along to their friends and family. She made art that captivated her colleagues.
Her dedication to her physical health was commendable. She went to the gym every day and made sure to eat the right nutrition. She was a jogger and missing that I look back to times I felt that amazing high after completing the goal.
Her happiness was true. It showed her contentment with being independent and with a for-filling career it was the way life was supposed to be. Not to say there weren't hard times and sadness to show her how great it was to be happy.
That women is someone now that I see as having been one life. Reborn as I am with challanges that never imagined having at such a young age I am forced to seperate myself from her in many ways. It was me but when I tell people about it ....it doesn't feel connected to who I am now. I want to take pride in the things I did but they are so far away that I am feeling like it is time to make some new things to be proud of. It might NOT be my career and it won't be the physically strong women I was then....However, it will be based on things I find to be for filling now. I am on the hunt for these things. Some I am trying on for size are my Photographs, paintings and house decor in my own home. These things set me in a good way. Then slowly but surely I am changing my definition of physically fit. I am starting with the inside this time. Good, quality food first and then with less pain more stretching and faster walks till one day hopefully i will be jogging a bit agian.
With this celebration of--- who I was and where I am headed--- I leave you.
